2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
