Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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