If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
