i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize