you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
