Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
