I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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