Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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