worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
