Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
