It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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