ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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