her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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