I think my fart just growled at me.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
