woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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