Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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