i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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