remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
