Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize