We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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