I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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