How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My liver just broke up with me...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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