I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
