billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
