She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
im holly from the hills drunk
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It's rum buckets o'clock
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
