I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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