i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
