I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
