I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
