It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
