What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
