I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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