Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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