i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
