On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Randomize
