i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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