So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
