Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
