According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
