i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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