I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
