I want to have your abortion
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
