Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
