ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
