I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
The air taste purple.
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