nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
