I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
