Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
