you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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