Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
