I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Fuck appropriateness.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
