I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
