It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
