In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
