He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
