I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
