ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Randomize
