a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize