so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I am available for nakedness
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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