I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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