Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
