I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
there is puke in my bra ... again
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
