Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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