Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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