Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
