a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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