So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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