It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
