If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
this is an emotional support booty call
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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