I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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