Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I want to make a zoo with you.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
