I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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