i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
