I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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