did you get engaged???
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
