youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I fill condoms, not promises.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
