He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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