I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
