Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
That reminds me...we need to get swords
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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