Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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