By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
