the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
