I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
