Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
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