I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
