Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize