Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
