Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
