the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
