your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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