I wish I could punch you in the face.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
