swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
