I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
