I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
