I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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