So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
