my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
