i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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