you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I have feelings that need drinking.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
