It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize