DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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