I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
