You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
