Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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