I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize