Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Michael Bay diarrhea
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
