Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
