Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Rumble strips road head = magical
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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